Honeymoons at Work
Every relationship involves a honeymoon/infatuation stage. Although we most often think of the notion of ‘honeymoon’ in regard to romantic relationships, the concept also applies to the workplace. After all, new employees experience a honeymoon phase.
Here’s a little story*. Recently, we hired Elizabeth. After the manager Paul made the offer, HR called Elizabeth to arrange her orientation, being very careful to consult Paul because, as always, we want and need the manager to participate throughout the onboarding process.
On the appointed day, Elizabeth arrived, smiling brightly and expectantly. HR completed our section, but every time we went to look for Paul, he was either on the phone or in a closed door meeting. This went on for hours, and HR’s conversations with Elizabeth became increasingly pained until she finally gave up and left without seeing her new manager or having her questions answered.
I’m sure that Paul was under pressure dealing with this Real Emergency or that Valid Crisis. I’m sure there were deals and issues and problems I don’t even know about. Maybe some of them were life or death; who am I to say?
That said, let’s think about it from Elizabeth’s point of view: This is her first day on the job.
This is the day she said, “Yes!”
This is the day she gave up her former life and joined our company.
This is the day she hoped to be swept off her feet.
This is the day she expected to be WOWED.
This is the day she hoped for all that.
Instead, what happened? How long was Elizabeth’s honeymoon?
Less than 60 minutes.
Can I say this again? How long was her honeymoon?
About an hour.
Elizabeth’s new job excitement lasted a grand total of 60 minutes, give or take, before she realized her boss wasn’t coming. That’s almost like saying the groom didn’t show at the church. What a horrible, wrenching moment when you realize you’ve been left alone at the alter.
The experience may not be exactly the same, but it’s close. Elizabeth left another job to join our firm. She risked everything–her family’s livelihood, her mortgage, her future–she risked everything for this job. After risking everything, her confidence that she made the right career choice lasted less than an hour.
In less than 60 minutes, she was disillusioned or at the very least questioned her choice and her judgment. She quickly realized that her new boss has more important things to do than welcome a newcomer to the team; she learned he had more pressing matters than answering her questions; she saw he had higher priorities than making sure she has the information she needs to be successful in her new role.
It must have been a confusing and disappointing day for Elizabeth. It was also a frustrating and sad for the HR department, despite our attempts to smooth thing over for her. All honeymoons end, but we were crestfallen that hers ended so unnecessarily, tragically, and so #(&$% prematurely.
After all, why do we have crushes? What is the evolutionary purpose of an infatuation? In my opinion, these early, intense emotional experiences exist because they are a cushion allowing enough time that “real” love might have a fighting chance to sprout and grow.
All honeymoons end; that’s a given. The challenge is to set down deeper roots, real attachment, before infatuation fades away.
But when the honeymoon ends on Day One, real roots, real connections, real love, are very unlikely to form.
What a waste. HR friends, managers, we can do better.
What was your shortest work honeymoon, and how long did you stay at that job?
photo by teresachin2007
From FaceBook, Karen said; Great Article krista.. Your story is so head on.. hiring managers will do anything to woo the intended.. but after the match has been made, then it is immediately back to business as usual.. The courtship is over, and there is an attitude, you got the job, what else do you want.. really enjoyed this.
Honey moon goes back to the 16th century, and was termed becuase the first month of the marriage was thought to be the sweetest – honey, because this is sweet, and moon, because a month is one lunar cycle, full moon to full moon. I have also heard such things that on the first night, a honey drink was given to the bride, therefor entering the honeymoon period, but this may be more of a lost local custom. The term has now come to mean the going away together straight after the wedding, as this will be the best moments of the newly weds lives.
Margurite´s last [type] ..Realistic pencil portrait mastery
FYI, links to the current post Arrghgghhgh! don’t work for some reason.
Managers need to create a climate where they are not running from crisis to crisis. Managers that are overly busy I am not impressed with at all. They need buffer time that can be directed to a crisis if need be, but in doing so have time to focus on the primary job (not crises). I think a fair number of manager think it shows how important they are that they are too busy. It doesn’t. It shows they don’t know how to manage.
John Huner´s last [type] ..Be Thankful for Customer That Are Complaining, They Haven’t Given Up All Hope
Thanks for the comment and for the heads up on the link.
I think being “too busy” can be an extremely convenient excuse to only complete preferred activities and neglect tasks or projects that are challenging or less preferred. I see it all the time….
I had an hour long honeymoon on a Summer job when I was 20. It was the only job I ever quit, mainly because my fingertips were being burned away from using the adhesive that the tiler I worked for insisted on using. It wasn’t possible to do the job and wear gloves so my fingers just got worn away. That was a big problem for a budding guitar superstar (at the time).
I remember feeling like I was very replaceable about an hour or so after starting, I guess that was what signaled the end of the honeymoon period.
[...] saw a great post by my good friend Krista Francis recently on honeymoons at work, and it came just as I was crossing my first “work anniversary” at my current employer. [...]